How to Find Yourself Made Easy (It's Not Complicated)

Jordan Tarver
February 4, 2021

One of the greatest feelings in life is understanding your life path and your most authentic self. However, it may not always feel easy to get there. I'm here to show you that learning how to find yourself doesn't have to be complicated; I'll make an easy, unpressured experience. I believe finding yourself should be fun, as you have an opportunity to uncover an understanding of who you were always meant to me. The reward is always worth the effort.

I've done years of tireless creative self-work to find myself. I've found what works and found what never needs to be tried again. I'm here to teach you everything that works. Not only will I commit to doing that in this article, but I've also done it in my book, You Deserve This Sh!t.

If you're ready to get unstuck and step into your power purchase your copy or download chapter one for free.

Here are seven principles to keep in mind when finding yourself.

1. Understand Where You Came From

While I don't believe your past has to define your future, I do believe it can help you understand yourself. Uncovering your own story is a crucial stepping stone  on your journey of finding yourself. There are really two ways we shape into who we've come. First, the things that happened to you and in your life mold your character. And second, how much sense you made of those things that happened to you shape who you've become. For example, if you had a traumatic childhood that's unresolved, it's likely you still carry that energy with you today, which controls how you may act in particular situations.

The environment you grew up in and your energetic surroundings play a large role in how you act as you age. This is where your mannerisms, tendencies, fears, intricacies, emotions, and blocks percolate and form. Although much of our wiser years are shaped by where we came from, that doesn't mean you can't break free of patterns caused by your past.

As you start your journey of finding yourself, sit down and take the time to understand where you came from. Face your past life experiences, good and bad, to help you understand more about yourself. If you try and push these experiences off to the side, it's easy to feel lost and like you don't have a clue who you are. I'm here to tell you that with time, patience, and openness, you can step into your most authentic self regardless of what situations  shaped you into the person you are in this very moment.

2. Identify What Fuels & Depletes You

After you understand more about your past and process the things that may have happened to you, it's time to identify what in life gives you in energy and what in life steals your energy. The person you deserve to become is the one who does more of what fuels you and less of what depletes you. Living a life like this allows you to make choices that perfectly align with who you are and who you want to become.

To identify what fuels and depletes you, we will use a simple exercise known as the energy bubble. Think of your energy bubble as your personal space. The ultimate goal is to keep things that fuel your life inside your energy bubble and remove things from your bubble that steal your vitality (don't let you become the best version of yourself).

Follow these three steps to identify what fuels and depletes you:

  1. Draw a large circle on a piece of paper.
  2. Write down everything that you love and brings you joy on the inside of the circle (your energy bubble).
  3. Write down everything that steals your energy on the outside of the circle.

After you have your two lists, review them. The goal is to do more of what you wrote down on the inside and less of what's on the inside. This will help you find exactly what you should be doing in life and propel you on your journey of finding yourself.

3. Be the Person You Want to Be

Now that you have your energy bubble sorted out (hooray!), it's time to protect it. It's common to what to please other people or act in a certain way so people judge you how you want to be judged. However, while that may make you feel fuzzy, warm, and safe, it's not the recipe for finding yourself and sticking to your identity.

When you choose to be the person other people want you to be, you hand over your power to them; you're no longer in control of your destiny. What's crucial when learning how to find yourself, is doing the opposite of that. Never let what other people think you should do drive your journey of self-discovery.

The energy bubble exercise taught you what you need to do more and less of in life. The person you want to be is the person who does more of the things inside of your energy bubble. If you let other people's thoughts, judgements, and desires drive your life, as harsh as this may sound, you will never find your true authentic self.

Read this three times: Be the person YOU want to be, not who others want you to be.

4. Follow Your Interests

This is one of my life pillars: Always follow your interests. Your interests will guide you to the best version of yourself and help you find your passions. When I first started on my journey of self-discovery, this was one thing I never let go of. While following your interests may feel selfish at first, you'll slowly learn how it's the easiest way to design a life that calls in happiness. Spend your energy doing what you love, and you'll find yourself walking a life path with your name written all over it.

A close friend of mine, Ryan Valasek, once told me, "Don't get good at things you hated doing." That piece of advice has stuck with me ever since. Why would you do something in life that doesn't fulfill you, bring you happiness, and get you excited to get out of bed? You don't have time to waste doing things that deplete you. Trust your gut and follow your interests. This is your quest, and it's time you step into your power.

5. Work With Your Inner Critic

You know that negative voice in your head? The shit disturber? Yeah, well, we all have it. We are constantly fighting that voice. The quicker you can understand that voice is not your thoughts, the better off you will be on your journey of finding yourself. Now, I'm not saying just push it off to the side and try and forget about it. I'm saying you need to learn to work with your inner critic. Although many times it delivers negative messages, it can teach you things about yourself and your path.

Typically, your inner critic and voice says things that are opposite of who you actually are to trick you into falling in its trap. If you can become aware of what it's telling you, you can slowly understand yourself more. You will always be opposite of the negative messages it tells you. Don't let your inner critic steal your power. Protect your power at all costs.

6. Always Seek a Life of Meaning

Finding yourself comes down to how willing you are to live a life fueled by purpose and meaning. I'm always on a quest to dig deeper into my path, understand myself more, and learn how to call in more meaning in my life. Ask yourself, "What experiences are meaningful to me?" Most often, these experiences will align with your core life values, energy bubble, and your interests. Living a life that aligns with those three aspects will naturally allow you to seek a life fueled by meaning.

When you seek a life of meaning, you gift yourself with an opportunity to live more for yourself. You give yourself the best chance to discover yourself and become the best version of you. And if I'm not mistaken, that's the reason you're reading this article, right? To figure out how to find yourself so you can settle in to your path and become the CEO of your quest.

Related: Finding Your Purpose Is Easy, Want to Know How?

7. Step Into Your Power

When you are on your journey of self-discovery, don't hold back. Don't put limitations on who you want to become, because the second you do, you give up your power. Harness who it is you want to become and unapologetically be that person. When you understand your past, put purpose behind your actions, align with your energy bubble, follow your interests, work with your inner critic, and seek a life of meaning, you, my friend, are well on your way to stepping into your power and getting unstuck.

When you take that step, your life will change forever. You will experience the beauty of dedicating time to discovering yourself and committing to your journey of self-discovery. I got faith in you. Now it's your turn to have faith in yourself.

Benefits of Finding Yourself

  1. You feel in control of your life: When you understand who you are and who you want to become, you restore control in your life. You can put purpose behind your actions and make decisions that align with your beliefs, values, and goals.
  2. Life doesn't happen to you: When you find yourself, life no longer happens to you or floats by in front of your eyes. Finding yourself is the best way to become more present, both internally and externally.
  3. You're excited to wake up every day: Understanding yourself will make you excited to get out of bed every morning. Think of it as a boost of energy that's constantly serving you. When you find yourself, your life has a greater purpose, which makes you happy to be alive.

Challenges of Finding Yourself

  1. It can seem tough at first: Don't get me wrong, finding yourself may be a challenge in the beginning. But with time and patience, the work you do to get deeper into your soul will be worth the effort. Don't give up. Give it some time and let it manifest.
  2. People may question your identity: There are going to be people who judge you in life, and that's inevitable. When you choose to go against the grain and find yourself, some people question who you've become. But remember, live for yourself and not others.
  3. It's a never-ending journey: I hate to break it to you, but the journey of finding yourself has no destination. There's always going to be more for you to tap into, even after you found your most authentic self. You will always be able to learn more about who you are meant to be. But, in my mind, the never-ending journey of learning more about yourself is most exciting.

7 Questions to Ask When Finding Yourself

  1. What makes me happy? How can I do more of that?
  2. What do I do that steals my energy? How can I do less of that?
  3. Who supports me? How can I surround myself with more of those people?
  4. What are my interests? Is there anything I'm interested in that I haven't tried yet?
  5. What is the voice in my head trying to tell me? If it's negative, how can I turn down its volume?
  6. What would I do if there were no limitations or if failure wasn't an option?
  7. What am I grateful for?

Related Reading:

To learn more questions that can help you find yourself, read my in-depth article outlines 90 self-discovery questions, or download the PDF for free.

Bottom Line

Learning how to find yourself is crucial to your self-discovery journey and reaching your full potential. Using the seven principles outlined in this article, you can be well on your way to mastering this part of your life. Everyone deserves to understand who they're meant to be, which is why I created this guide for you. It's time for you to grow; it's your season.


Jordan Tarver is a lead editor at Forbes, a keynote speaker, and the bestselling author of You Deserve This Sh!t.
He’s transformed over 30,000 lives through his book, amassed more than 200,000 devoted followers, and garnered over 60 million views online. Jordan is on a mission to empower people and organizations to unlock exponential growth and expansive possibilities.

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